Graham

Eighties pop sensation Rick Astley has reportedly pledged his future to cocaine after telling the drug that he would never give it up. Astley, known for his dedication and faithfulness, was overheard

A bloke who was this morning admitted to hospital with a beer bottle lodged in his ass has reportedly changed his Facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated”. Mark Appleby, a thirty-year-old barista,

In Scottish news, the enigmatic, mythical beast, the Loch Ness Monster, has been spotted in the equally mysterious Slam Tent. According to legend, the Slam tent was once a popular destination for

A hospital radio DJ has been credited with playing the “sickest set ever”, according to patients. Billy Spencer, a.k.a. The Spenmaster, impressed patients with an impressive set consisting of music from all

A new vapable version of heroin about to hit the European market is set to make the illicit drug an acceptable part of everyday life. According to one Afghan warlord, heroin has

A man who recently woke up, severely dehydrated after two days on the session, has had his tongue declared the driest place on Earth. The man in question, twenty-four-year-old Des Eart, is

A basic bitch has hit back at her critics by claiming that she is actually a highly sophisticated living biological organism. Amanda Dixon, a twenty-three-year-old pharmacist from Brighton, England, believes her online

Clubbers over the age of thirty now spend more time trying to convince themselves they are still cool while on nights out than they do clubbing, it has been revealed. According to

In a horse racing exclusive, cocaine dealers have been revealed as the “real winners” from this year’s Cheltenham Festival. While it is often believed that the bookies are the only real winners

A man who broke into a veterinarian’s store room and stole ketamine at Cheltenham yesterday is still in the process of making his getaway. The man, who is yet to be identified,