Graham

A man who has said the word Berghain at least 9,000 times per day, for the last five years, has reportedly exploded. Michael James, a twenty-seven-year-old mechanic from Bristol, England, is believed

A leading dance music festival has announced that this year’s lineup will consist of ninety-eight white guys, dressed in black and playing each other’s songs. Organisers have claimed that this year’s lineup

A touring DJ has reportedly lost a very impressive two stone using nothing but the “room service and sniff diet”. The DJ, who is currently being treated for malnutrition and various STIs,

Reports from the RSPCH, Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Hipsters, suggest mature male hipsters are now being hunted for their fur. In a shocking revelation, almost ten thousand male

Potatoes have spoken out in defence of session culture by claiming they have been “getting mashed for years” without feeling any detrimental effects. According to Maris Piper, King of the Potatoes, getting

British scientists have reportedly grown the world’s first ever booking agent’s heart in a petri dish at a top secret location in the English countryside. Booking agents, the only people in the

Unconfirmed reports suggest that your barber was only pretending he knew the obscure industrial techno act you were talking about while he cut your hair. Members of the barber high council have

A British psytrance fan has claimed that he is “not one bit worried” about losing his job after Brexit because he would have to have a job to be able to lose

Reports from the electronic music indsutry suggest that DJ Mag are set to scrap this year’s Top 100 DJs poll and replace it with a “DJ Dick Measuring Contest”. Insiders at the