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The self respect of cavorting EDM mega-cretin, Steve ‘Cake’ Aoki, has finally been located after an agonising twenty year search – chained to the wall in Joe Fritzl’s fuck dungeon. Aoki, who

Fans of burnished pop pricks, One Direction, were left crying like the mewling children they are after rumours of a split were confirmed when famed band splitter Yoko Ono was spotted leaving

Fresh from her public rap battle with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, Queen Elizabeth II: Queen Harder, is set to play what has been described as an “ear meltingly banging drum and bass

A young festivalgoer was reportedly left shocked but delighted at Facebang Festival last weekend when a bag of what was nominally “cocaine” that he purchased from a shady bloke in a cap

Mark Knight, house heavyweight, beard owner and cousin of 80s talking car partnered supercop, Michael Knight, blazes back into the scene this September fistpumping himself silly to this slick groove based remix

A young hungover man has reportedly spent the last several hours sat in bed, hunched over his laptop, anxiously googling the symptoms for alcoholism. Clutching a large glass of red wine to

A young British woman has been hospitalised today after her finger slipped and poked out her own eye while she was wanking to pictures of actor Tom Hardy playing with his pet

A local hipster has been admitted to hospital with allergic-like symptoms after eating pork that wasn’t artfully marinated overnight and then pulled by a middle class cretin. Witnesses claim that James Harrison,

All those overconfident bullying arseholes who you went to school with are working as DJs now, it has emerged. “Our results show that the sort of show off lads who spent their

A group of German homeopaths, or pseudo-scientific fraudsters as they are otherwise known, were left shocked after taking a suspected homeopathic substance that actually worked. At a conference in Hamburg this week