A basic bitch has hit back at her critics by claiming that she is actually a highly sophisticated living biological organism.
Amanda Dixon, a twenty-three-year-old pharmacist from Brighton, England, believes her online adversaries are “far more basic” than she is for not noticing the miraculous nature of life on our planet.
“Who the fuck are those cunts calling a basic bitch?” Dixon asked angrily. “Just because I wear a white coat while I’m working, don’t apply Oompa Loompa like fake tan or wear a ket spoon around my neck doesn’t make me a basic bitch. Do these girls really think that dressing like slags and sucking off DJs makes them intricate? The silly cows.”
“If they had any sense they’d understand that the human body is a highly complex miracle of biological engineering, evolved over millions of years to enable us to survive in the harsh realities of our planet’s atmosphere,” continued Amanda. “But they can’t even grasp that, if anyone is basic it’s them. Maybe their gene pools were reduced by constant inbreeding and their engineering isn’t quite as good as the rest of ours.”
Evolutionist Percy Sparkes also spoke to Wunderground, “To call anyone basic in this day and age really is stupid,” he told us. “We’ve found that people who spend their time sitting around on their phones or tablets all day making comments like ‘basic bitch’ are actually devolving and very slowly going back to being pond slime so, in fact, they are actually the most basic human beings on the planet. Apart from the cast of The Only Way is Essex, obviously, they’re the most basic people alive today.”
In other news, a girl has been left with a permanent resting bitch face after the wind changed while she was mildly disappointed by her boyfriend’s behaviour, more on this as we get it.
