In the most shocking fashion news since The Shroud of Turin was found in a charity shop in Romania, Beards are reportedly still cool, almost eight years after making a comeback into popular culture.
According to fashion influencers, beards are still the number one facial hair option for men of all ages and are set to remain so for at least another five years.
“It’s great to see beards still going strong,” claimed Elaine Harris, better known as blogger extraordinaire Lainey H. “Who would have thought it? This time ten year’s ago, only creeps, paedos, computer nerds and doctors wore beards but now it seems that pretty much any man who can grow one has one, and don’t they all look great.”,
“Personally, I think they’re here to stay,” continued Lainey. “I’d like to see them evolve with more accessories, maybe some glitter and possibly some sort of forward-thinking styling but, whatever happens, I think we’ll be seeing these face rugs for many years to come.”
However, not everyone shares Lainey H’s views on beards, Mark Robinson, who has tried and failed to grow a beard on numerous occasions, believes beards are both overrated and unhygienic.
“There’s no way I’d be walking around with one of those scruffy beards on the front of my face, you may as well have the toilet paper you use to wipe your arse attached to your lip,” Robinson scoffed. “They’re filthy, there full of food, shit and everything else, they’re fucking horrible too. They’re basically just pubes on your face. Who wants pubes on their face? Not me.”
“Even if I could grow one, I wouldn’t,” continued Robinson. “They just make everyone look the same, I’d rather do something different, that’s why I’ve been working on this bumfluff moustache for the past couple of months, it’s coming along well and should actually be visible within the next couple of years.”