A new previously unknown species of DJ has reportedly been found living in the Amazon Rainforest.
According to reports, the DJ, who is believed to be a mix between a progressive house DJ and a techno DJ, was discovered feeding on a small pile of cocaine in a remote area of the Colombian Amazon.
“We’ve never seen anything quite like this before,” explained Zoologist Pete Humphreys. “We haven’t actually named the species yet but we’re thinking of something like Pregressio Thechnavarious DJadios, which translates roughly as progtech DJ.”
“It’s extremely rare that we get to see a DJ like this in their natural habitat,” continued Humphreys. “Most of the DJs you’ll be used to seeing in clubs are domesticated, toilet trained and only semi-reliant on cocaine, apart from DJ Sneak, obviously, but this DJ is still 100% wild, it’ll take a few years for him to be ready to play in clubs.”
Experts are claiming that the latest find is the biggest discovery in dance music since Solardo were discovered eating cabbage leaves under a rock out Steve Lawler’s back garden in 2014.
“Despite what most people think, world DJ numbers are far lower than they seem,” explained one unqualified expert. “Most of the DJs that are currently on the scene aren’t actually DJs at all, they’re just imposters. Wild DJ numbers are currently at their lowest in the last fifty years so to discover a whole new species is really incredible.”
Reports suggesting that the DJ found living in the Amazon Rainforest was actually Seb Fontaine have been proved false after Fontaine revealed that he has been working as a traveling bra salesman in Siberia since early 2016.