Footballing clothes-horse David Beckham has announced that he has successfully porked Posh Spice for a 5th time, marking the occasion with a child to be named “Behind Ocean Beach”.
“I’m delighted to be expecting a fifth child,” said Beckham. “But if I’m honest, I’m not sure on the name.”
“I’ve only been behind Ocean Beach once, and truth be told I was giving Victoria the old Golden Balls at the time, having just chugged three pitchers of Dom Perignon and popped two tanning tablets, so I was proper on one.”
“Seems a bit weird she would name our newly beloved baby after a filthy holiday romp up a smelly alcove full of old bottle bins…”
“But I suppose she does have the previous form in this area!”
“If I have another child I would like to be able to call it something normal like ‘James’ or ‘Tina’ or even just ‘In Bed’ would do. Seems unfair everytime I bring her away somewhere nice and throw her the length she out’s me to the public using my unborn child.”