According to the latest online news, some bloke who nobody knows is now one of the world’s biggest DJs.
While it is not yet clear who the DJ is, there is a real buzz building around his already phenomenal career, with some fans even going as far as to say he is the greatest of all time.
“I’ve not seen him or heard any of his mixes but I just know that he’s an unbelievable DJ,” claimed twelve year old superfan Ricky Dillon. “To be honest, I’m not even really sure what a DJ does but it seems pretty easy so I’d definitely like to be one just like him when I grow up.”
The instant rise to fame of the DJ in question has been heralded as “whopper” by a number of other aspiring DJs who hope to follow in his footsteps to stardom.
“That’s class that is,” said one Dublin based DJ. “Instant gratification is where it’s at. These days, things that take lots of effort aren’t really worth it, there’s an old saying that says ‘everyone gets fifteen minutes of fame’ or some shit like that but, nowadays, it’s more like ‘you’ve got fifteen minutes to get famous’ otherwise you may as well just quit.”
“I’ve pretty much stopped practicing on my decks and just started concentration on making cool Instagram stories,” continued the would be DJ. “I was never that good to begin with if I’m being honest so I reckon I’ve a far better chance of getting gigs if people see me standing beside decks in my story than actually hearing me play. That’s just the way it is these days.”
Industry insiders are predicting that the unknown DJ will soon be demanding fees as high as £15K per booking, despite having never played any gigs.
“He’s hot property at the moment,” claimed DJ Mag editor Winston Crothford. “We’re expecting him to enter our Top 100 DJs Poll in the top fifty later this year. Which, as you will all know, makes him an extremely effective marketer, if not a bang average DJ.”
At the time of going to press, the DJ, widely known as “the new, new Martin Garrix” is currently in rehab after becoming addicted to cocaine in the four hours he has been on the scene, more on this as we get it.