Clubbing

Bloke Who Said He’d Definitely Go To Fabric When It Reopened Not Really Arsed Anymore

An English bloke who said he was “definitely” going to go to Fabric once it reopened has admitted to a group of his friends that he’s just not really arsed anymore.

Barry Smart, a twenty-six-year-old from Birmingham who has never even been to London let alone Fabric, has now completely given up on the idea of visiting the club and resorted back to the opinion that “it’s probably overrated anyway”.

“It’s funny, I never really had any desire to go to Fabric at all,” Smart told us. “Then, when it was closed, and I thought I’d never have the chance to go again, I got really angry and all of a sudden I wanted to go, I suppose it’s a classic case of wanting something that you know you can’t have.”

“I totally got on board with the whole ‘save Fabric’ thing,” continued Smart. “I signed the petition, changed my Facebook profile picture and even considered donating twenty quid, in the end I decided to buy some weed instead of donating it but I spent the whole time smoking it talking about Fabric and how it’s closure was really damaging to the country’s culture and stuff so I was definitely still raising awareness.”

“After the council decided to let the club reopen, I told myself I’d definitely make it down for a night out as soon as possible,” revealed Smart, a part-time bike courier. “For the first few weeks, I kept telling myself that, then, for the next few weeks, I started to put it on the long finger, telling myself I’d make it down before the end of the year, or before I turn thirty. Now, I’m not going to lie to myself anymore, I’m just not arsed about going.”

“It seems like a whole lot of effort,” admitted Smart. “I’d have to get the train down to London, stay in a hotel and I know that when I get there I’d probably get in and instantly come to the conclusion that it’s overrated and not as good as The Rainbow Venues. Why put myself through that? It’s just not worth the hassle.”

According to reports, less than half of the people who used the save Fabric hashtag during the club’s short hiatus have no intention of ever visiting the club, approximately thirty percent of them believing they were trying to save the long forgotten textile industry.

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