Bloke Spends 10 Minutes At Psytrance Stage – Ends Up On The Dole

Reports emerging from Ireland’s festival circuit suggest that a man has been forced onto the dole after spending just ten minutes at a psytrance stage at a recent festival.

Facebook page In A Tent At A Festival confirmed that Ryan Nolan, a techno fan, accidentally stumbled upon the psytrance stage while “a little worse for wear” and suffered an incredible run of bad luck afterward.

“I knew I shouldn’t have stayed at that stage,” Nolan told Wunderground earlier. “As soon as I left, everything just started to go wrong. I wouldn’t mind, only I was only hanging around to laugh at the crusties dancing anyway. I don’t even like psytrance, it’s shite.”

“I went straight from there to my tent and some cunt was after taking a massive poo in it,” continued Nolan. “Then, I got searched by the guards and had my ket confiscated and it didn’t even stop there, I had nothing but bad luck for the rest of the festival, I couldn’t wait for it to end so I could go home.”

“Typically, when I got to the carpark some fucker had smashed my windscreen and I had to wait around for eight hours before I could get it replaced. Then, it was too late to go home so I had to stay in a B&B for the night but the poxy power went and my phone didn’t charge while I was asleep so my fucking alarm clock didn’t go off and I didn’t wake up on time to go to work the next day.”

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“My boss obviously thought I was still on the session and the prick fired me and now I’m back on the dole,” Nolan revealed angrily. “Honestly, this is all down to that ten minutes at that psytrance stage. I must have caught the psytrance bug, today I’m on the dole, tomorrow I’ll be smoking rollies, by this time next year I’ll probably have dreadlocks and be living with a pack of dogs under a bridge.”

If you have been exposed to psytrance and think you may be showing signs of becoming a psytrance fan, Wunderground recommends you take a shower, listen to some house music and stay away from ketamine for at least two weeks.