The world’s largest music sourcing company Discogs have announced that they are to invest $100 Billion in a time travel machine in order to help source the rarest vinyl in the world.
In a Wunderground exclusive, we can reveal that the Oregon based company have already begun their “super top secret research” at an underground facility on the outskirts of Portland.
Discogs spokesperson Marty Brown claimed that while they are still a long way from making any breakthroughs with their research, they are not worried because time is not an issue when investing in time travel.
“So far, we haven’t really got any actual technology developed but we have got the design of the machine looking really good,” explained Brown on Tuesday morning. “One of the interns in the office slipped in the shower and banged his head and when he came through he thought he’d invented a time machine but it actually just turned out to be a pretty severe case of concussion, thankfully he’s OK now.”
“It doesn’t matter how long it takes to invent though, once we’ve got it we’ll go back in time to the day after we started our research and show ourselves how to make it, which actually means we’ll save most of the $100 Billion we’re planning to invest in the program. It’s pretty much the perfect plan.”
However, it appears that Discogs’ plan may not be as perfect as they envision, with one of the world’s leading time travel experts claiming that going through with their idea could change the course of history, theoretically causing a rift in the space-time continuum and destroying civilisation as we know it.
“You really don’t want to mess with this shit,” explained the expert, who has watched the Back to the Future trilogy more than thirty times. “If they do change the course of history we could end up living in a world where people disappear from photographs or where there is no law and order or, worse still, where Steve Aoki is considered a credible recording artist, I for one do not want to live in a world like that.”
While it is not yet clear whether or not Discogs will succeed with their attempt to invent time travel, we definitely hope they do, so we can finally pick up that first press vinyl copy of CJ Bolland’s The Prophet we’ve been looking for, for the last twenty-five years.