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September 14, 2018
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Man Who Spent Last 3 Months Getting Pissed In Fields Wondering Where The Summer Went

A bloke who has spent the last three months rolling around the ground in fields getting drunk and fucked up on drugs at festivals has claimed he has no idea where the summer has gone.

Dave Burke, who went to every festival he could physically manage, insists the summer has gone by in the blink of an eye and he feels like he has been short-changed by nature.

“It only feels like a couple of days ago that I was looking out the window and thinking there was a grand old stretch in the evenings,” claimed Irishman Burke. “And now, here I am again, looking out my window and thinking the evenings are drawing in very quickly. Sure it’ll be Halloween before you know it and then it’s practically Christmas.”

“I feel like I hardly got to do anything this summer, I didn’t even have a holiday or anything,” claimed the man who spent almost half of the summer on location at a festival. “I still had a lot of fun, it just all seemed to be over very quickly, it might have something to do with the fact that I was staying up for three days straight and then sleeping for three days straight.”

Burke, a teacher, is now considering a winter-sun break in an attempt to salvage this year’s holidays.

“I have a pretty hectic schedule so it can be hard to find the time to get away,” he continued. “I’ve got mid-term coming up but I’m booked in to go to a rave in and then there’s the Christmas, but there’s so many nights out and people to catch up with that you just don’t get the chance to do anything.”

“It’ll be next year now before I see any sort of summer now,” he told us. “But sure fuck it, that’s the way she goes.”

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