A boring bloke from the comments section of a Facebook post has been revealed as being “great fun” at parties, despite what his online persona and other commenters suggest.
Matthew Reilly, a reported “craic vacuum” on social media, is believed to have shocked everyone by being the “life and soul” of almost every party he attends.
“I just like to go online and say these things for the reaction it gets from people,” Reilly explained earlier. “Like if I’m commenting on an elrow video and everyone is saying how fun it looks I’ll drop a comment like ‘yeah but what are they trying to distract you from with all of those inflatables, the music’s probably terrible’ just to throw a spanner into the works.”
“Most of the time, I won’t even agree with what I’m saying, I’m literally just typing it because I know some spoon will take the bait and start arguing with me,” he continued. “Once I see the old ‘I’d say you’re great fun at parties’ line get thrown out I know my job is done and I can move onto my next comments section.”
According to one of Mr Reilly’s oldest friends, John, there is no one he would rather party with and Reilly often ends up as the center of attention at parties with whole houses of people hanging on his every word.
“Matty’s (Reilly) literally the best fun to have at parties,” John claimed enthusiastically. “He’s the guy that everyone always wants to invite because you know if he shows up it’s going to be a good party. He always has a story to tell, usually about someone he’s been winding up online, and there’s just something about the way he tells them that has people eating out of his hand.”
“Some of the best nights I’ve ever had have been at parties with Matty, especially when he gets a few slugs of white in him. If you think his stories are normally good, just wait until he gets going while he’s on the bag, it’s like a mix between Roald Dahl and Russell Brand. It’s so much fun. I must actually give him a call and see what he’s up to this weekend.”
In related news, experts have confirmed that judging a book by its cover is rarely a good way to judge someone’s character, unless they’re wearing a Metallica t-shirt, which almost always proves they’re an absolute dick.