Bouncer Who Ruined Your Night Secretly Heartbroken


The bouncer who “ruined” your night last night after you got far too drunk and made a “holy show” of yourself, is believed to be heartbroken and inconsolable today.

Mark Richardson, head doorman at your local nightclub, claims to have cried himself to sleep last night after prematurely ending your night, despite the fact you clearly should have gone home hours ago.

“Sometimes this job can be so hard,” the emotional bouncer told Wunderground this morning. “People see me, a six foot seven brick shit-house, and they automatically think I’m some kind of big brute or a monster but it’s not true, underneath all of this muscle, year’s of martial arts training and three tours of Iraq, I’m actually a big soft kitten.”

“The whole reason I got into this job was so I could see people having a great time and enjoying their nights out, knowing that I could keep them safe while they were doing it,” revealed Richardson. “But, every so often, I have to make an executive decision and take it upon myself to end someone’s night early before things get out of hand. Honestly, every time I’ve to ask one of those little angels to leave early, it breaks my heart.”

“Take last night for example,” he continued. “Some girl had had way too much to drink, puked in her handbag and was starting fights with everyone who crossed her path. Now, I know she was only trying to unwind and enjoy herself but, for everyone else’s sake, I had to ask her to leave.”

“She didn’t take it well, and had to be dragged out of the club kicking and screaming by seven security guards. Seeing her face all scrunched up with rage and covered in vomit was so hard to take. A little piece of me dies every time we’ve to kick someone out.”

According to sources close to the bouncer, Mr Richardson will need “some time” to get over the latest incident and plans on taking a couple of days off for some reflection and to gather his thoughts.

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Bouncer Who Ruined Your Night Secretly Heartbroken

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