Faceless American EDM superstar, Marshmello, has reportedly been diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes.
While the DJ/producer/giant marshmallow has yet to comment on the diagnosis, sources close to him have revealed that he gave the news a “big thumbs down” when it was broken to him.
“He’s clearly very upset,” said one close associate. “Even though his face has a constant smile painted onto it and he doesn’t actually speak so he hasn’t really said he’s upset, he obviously is because he hasn’t dabbed or done the floss dance in days so it’s definitely bothering him.”
Marshmello, who is believed to survive on a diet consisting of candy floss, exploding candy and Mountain Dew, is reportedly on the verge of canceling all tour dates for the rest of the year.
“It’s a total disaster for Marshmello,” continued Wunderground’s source. “It’s going to mean a complete change of lifestyle, everything from the candy-coated music he plays, right down to the candy-coated shit he eats every day for breakfast, lunch, dinner, elevenses, afternoon tea and supper, will have to change.”
According to the DJ’s publicist, Marshmello believes in completely immersing himself in his brand and the best way to fight off the onset of diabetes is for him to completely rebrand himself.
“This never would have happened to the man who became Marshmello,” revealed the publicist. “It wasn’t until the transformation was made that he became obsessed with eating shitty candy. The best thing for him to do now is to rebrand himself as some sort of vegetable, maybe Broccoli or even Cauliflower.”
“That way, he’ll be able to go a bit more organic with his sound and swap his shitty diet for a much healthier vegetable-only one,” he continued. “He might not be able to reverse the effects of years of eating shit, but he might just be able to slow them down a little.”
Reports suggest that Marshmello is willing to part way with the Marshmello alias in favour of something healthier, with the name Turnip currently hot on everyone associated with the DJ’s lips.