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BRIT Awards Praised For Protecting Country From Black Man Swearing

UK music awards the BRITs have been praised for censoring UK Grime star, Mercury Music Prize winner, million selling artist, and role model for a generation, Skepta. The BRITs showed their commitment to diversity, free speech, and evenhandedness in last night’s show by inviting Skepta to perform and then censoring him throughout.

Skepta was introduced by Dermot O’Leary saying “Everyone go batshit crazy for Skepta”, a type of swearing which experts refer to as ‘White-People-Swearing’, or more commonly known as ‘the good kind’. However, Skepta’s performance featured something more sinister.

BRITs spokesman, Ivan Ardon, made the point: “It’s fine when white people swear, but when Skepta did some swears, it was what we call “Black-people-swearing’, which is not in line with British values, it’s offensive and bad and so obviously, we had to censor it. If Skepta had done his swearing in a different, more caucasian way, like that nice Dermot O’Leary, we would have been fine with it. But he didn’t.”

Skepta was unavailable for comment. His PA informed us that he was co-operating with Police in connection with a robbery last night in London’s O2 stadium, where a dead white artist whose legacy is completely assured was pointlessly given an award in a category full of vibrant, authentic, unit-shifting but unfortunately black, artists.

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