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CDJ3000 Recalled After ‘Terminator Chip’ Mix-Up

CDJ3000 Recalled After ‘Terminator Chip’ Mix-Up

Hundreds of Pioneer’s new CDJs have accidentally been given the CPU of an unstoppable, autonomous cybernetic assassin.

Following a factory mishap, many faulty CDJ3000 units are transforming into shapeshifting killer organisms that will bring destruction to the world – whilst being fully compatible with Rekordbox. 

Pioneer’s HQ, which created the new unit with A.I start-up Skynet, broke their silence today. Amidst sounds of rifle shots, alarms and screaming, Pioneers press officer sighed: “We’d hoped the CDJ3000s new processing power would enable us to bring exciting new functions. Little did we know those would include an eco-skeleton of mimetic poly-alloy that can morph seamlessly into blades, hooks and other maiming-based weaponry. Our marketing team think this could be a selling point for DJs at, oh I dunno, Ocean Beach Club in Ibiza.”

The knock-on effects of the tech blunder have meant DJs everywhere find themselves in imminent danger. Many are now considering proper jobs.

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“I used the new Pro DJ Link Lighting feature” one bedroom DJ told Wunderground “Suddenly the unit spouted a liquid metal spike, impaling me to the wall through my rib-cage. You don’t happen to know the number for Customer Support do you?” 

Despite the risk, many have insisted they will still be upgrading their decks with a pair of the deadly robotic machines.  One DJ told us “Whilst there is a threat the CDJ3000 is capable of a genocidal rampage involving sawn-off shot guns and exploding 16-wheelers, I’d rather all that than mix off a Denon”

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