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CEO Who Said “Be More Productive On Lockdown” Found Boozing At Home In His Underwear

CEO Who Said “Be More Productive On Lockdown” Found Boozing At Home In His Underwear

A chief executive officer of a FTSE 100 company who told his LinkedIn followers that they “should be working harder and faster” while on lockdown has accidentally uploaded a photo of himself bingeing on alcohol and suspected class A drugs in his home study.

In a callous attempt to make his employees and wider network of followers feel guilty for not being as ‘successful’ as he was, Gary Whitting-Jones had scheduled a typically self-righteous post to be uploaded to the social platform at 9am on Monday morning, which read:

These past few weeks, hundreds of people have been approaching my inbox to say: ‘Hey Gary, how do you manage to excel in your personal and professional life so effortlessly while the whole world stays on lockdown?’

Each time I simply say: Sleep when you’re dead. Stop working when the world stops spinning. Just because you’re at home, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be dressing to impress, and grafting until the sun sets, while still finding the time to run at least one marathon each month.

Work harder. Work faster. And one day you’ll hit these heights”

Unfortunately for Gary, the pompous photo that he intended to upload alongside the ‘motivational’ status was accidentally replaced by a photo from his ‘Zoom: Home Sessions’ album.

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The replacement photo showed a half-naked Gary slumped over his desk, holding a suspicious-looking bag of white powder in one hand, and an empty bottle of cognac in the other.

One member of Gary’s workforce showed no sympathy for the apparent slip-up. “It confirms what we suspected all along”, said Alison, who admits to slowly having her soul destroyed by Gary’s company for the past 20 years. “Most of us speculated that Gary was a hypocritical profiteer who commands those below him to do his dirty work while he snorts and drinks down his seven-figure paycheque. I’m glad we were all finally given an insight into what he really gets up to behind closed doors.”

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