Real Life

Chatty Drug Dealer Just Looking For A Mate

Chatty dealer looking for friends

An Irish drug dealer who likes to make small talk with his customers for at least half an hour before making any transactions is reportedly just looking for some mates.

According to reports, Ian White, a small time coke and weed dealer who always delivers, will stop at no costs when it comes to striking up conversations with his clientele.

Wunderground spoke to Mark Delaney, one of White’s regular customers, “That lad sure can chat,” he told us. “He’s like a taxi driver on steroids, or coke, there’s literally nothing that’s out of bounds for him. He’ll usually start off with the mundane shit like the weather, the stretch in the evenings or the football but before you know it he’ll be getting deep into religion, politics and the meaning of life, I’ve often been left questioning everything I know about the universe after meeting him to buy a couple of grams.”

“He seems like a really nice bloke and I do enjoy the chats, sometimes, but what he isn’t considering is that I’m a total drug fiend and as soon as he arrives at my door all I want to do is shovel his product up my nose or into my lungs,” continued Delaney. “I do enough small talking with my work colleagues, friends and family. All I want in a dealer is someone who’ll only communicate with me for the purpose of a transaction and give me reasonably priced and reliable gear. If I want to know what the weather is doing I’ll open the fucking curtains. You know what I mean?”

“In the perfect world, I’d pay via bank transfer and have the stuff delivered through my letterbox with absolutely no human contact whatsoever,” he claimed. “I’ve got enough mates to hide my drug habits from as it is, the last thing I need is another one, especially one with inside information. From now on, I’d really like to keep our relationship business only, although, to be honest with you, I’ll do whatever the fuck he likes as long as he keeps bringing me my gear.”

Sources close to the dealer have confirmed that, despite having two thousand contacts in his phone and spending nearly €100 a week on credit, Mr White still feels like he has no one to talk to.

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