Real Life

Chicken On Ketamine Unable To Cross Road

A chicken with a ketamine addiction has tarnished her family name and trashed tradition by being incapable of following in her ancestors’ footsteps and crossing the road.

Marie Cluxton, an eight year old chicken from north county Dublin, Ireland, has been labeled a “disgrace” by other members of her coop after she was spotted in a disheveled state at the side of the road.

“It’s a clucking disgrace,” scoffed Jamelia Cluxton, Marie’s fifth cousin ten times removed. “The Cluxton clan are a proud family of road crossing chickens, twenty five generations of Cluxtons have crossed that road from this farmyard, and for what? So that little plucker can spit in the face of tradition, I’m disgusted, her ancestors would be spinning on their rotisserie spits if they could see her now.”

According to farmyard reports, Cluxton became involved in recreational drug use after falling in with “the wrong crowd” during her formative years.

“It’s tragic to see what’s happened to that poor chicken,” claimed Shep, the local Sheepdog. “She was practically still a chick when she started hanging around with the horses. She was constantly in the stables and falling back to the coop at all hours of the night. I don’t care what anyone says, horses aren’t to be trusted.”

Wunderground also managed to speak to Maria about the incident, “I’m sick of people judging me on what they think I should be doing. It’s 2017, the days of chickens crossing the road are numbered, if the rest of these birds can’t see that, then I feel sorry for them. The world is so much bigger than this farm yard and the other side of that road. I bet half of them don’t even know why they’re crossing it.”

“Everyone always says that I shouldn’t be hanging around with horses and doing ket, but cluck that, those guys have opened my eyes to the world,” she continued. “I bet half the chickens here haven’t even heard of the whole ‘chicken, egg’ debate, let alone contemplated space and time or the vastness of the universe. Ket really helps to get your priorities straight and put things into perspective and I’m extremely grateful to the horses for sharing it with me.”

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