According a study carried out by University College London’s sociology department, curled moustaches are now the best way to tell who’s a cunt.
The study’s results show that a whopping ninety nine point eight percent of people with curled moustaches display cunt like qualities, while the other point two percent were either old or actors playing roles in period dramas.
Professor Haffa Shaif explained the study’s findings, “There has been a steady rise in the number of curled moustaches appearing on the lips of incessantly boring hipsters over the last two or three years. In that time we’ve also noticed that community spirit, and society in general, has been in decline and we wanted to find out whether or not the two things were connected.”
“We looked at the lives of five hundred, randomly selected, people with curled moustaches and what we discovered was truly shocking,” claimed Professor Shaif. “Practically all of them turned out to be total cunts. Their levels of smugness and pretentiousness were through the roof and their general behaviour was more fitting to a wild animal than a young man.”
According to the professor, some examples of the cuntish behaviour include; making sarcastic comments on social media, not picking up their French bulldog’s shit while out on “walkies”, using the word “walkies” and rolling their eyes and making a “huffing sound” every time they see someone with a less groomed lip rug than themselves.
“While all of these things seem slightly cunty they may not seem like enough to negatively effect the fabric of society,” continued the professor. “But when all of these little cunt incidents happen on a large scale, we get a combined level of cuntishness that hasn’t been seen since the Nazis were marauding around Europe in the 1940s.”
“I’m one hundred percent confident that the rise in anti social behaviour, increased number of terrorist attacks, regular natural disasters and the number of airplanes falling out of the sky are all down to those stupid looking moustaches and the cunts’ whose faces they’re attached too.”
Reports suggest that the current growth in cunt numbers could result in an “apocalyptic scenario” happening within the next ten years, however, that is unlikely to happen as the “morons with curled moustaches will eventually realise how fucking stupid they look”.
