A DJ has been left furious after it was confirmed that he would not be able to park his private jet directly outside a nightclub’s entrance.
The DJ, who claimed that the failure to facilitate his every need was “like, the worst thing in the world” was forced to endure a grueling forty-minute limousine journey as an alternative route to the club.
“Can you believe this shit?” the DJ asked while sipping Cristal in the back of the limo. “Don’t they know who I am? Surely the fact that I have a private jet alone should be enough for me to do whatever the hell I like, but no, not in this town, turns out I’ve actually got to ask about parking my jet and then they have the audacity to tell me no.”
“Honestly, they’re lucky I’m even going to play in their club after this,” continued the DJ. “And would you look at the state of this limo they sent. Cristal? What the fuck is that? It tastes like piss. I normally drink Dom Pérignon, and to be blunt, this is way too fucking cold, I like my champagne to be served to me at eight degrees, this is easily seven, or maybe even six and a half, degrees.”
“I’m really not in the mood for work after this ordeal, I left my house almost four hours ago and I’m not even at the club yet,” he complained. “This is literally, like, the worst thing in the world. The Holocaust, hurricane Katrina, the genocide of the Native Americans, none of them have a patch on this. How am I supposed to perform now? Looks like I’ll be playing one of my pre-recorded sets, again.”
According to the nightclub’s general manager, the local infrastructure simply can not support aircraft landing outside the nightclub.
“Seen as we’re a club, that’s open to the public, we’re located in a place that’s really easy for the public to access,” explained the manager. “Like a lot of clubs, we’ve based our business on a street, not an airfield, so having a jet engined aircraft landing outside would be pretty much impossible.”