DJ Jailed For 18 Months For Being Shite

A young DJ has been jailed for 18 months for the butchering of ‘basically every mix he has ever attempted.’

DJ Snapchat, a 24-year-old disk jockey from Swindon, was arrested at his home in the early hours of Sunday morning having completely emptied local nightclub ‘The Lava Lounge’ the night before.

“The lad’s a fucking tool!” said bar manager Timmy Hobbs, adding “He’s fucking toss as well. I wouldn’t come to see him DJ if he had Megan Fox’s lady-flaps tattooed on his forehead.”

Snapchat had been DJing for 24 months prior to the arrest, the prosecution stated in court today. However, he had only begun playing at ‘The Lava Lounge’ in recent weeks, and in that time “takings had dropped 98%.”

Booker Chris Jones said “He showed up 10 minutes early on his first night, sober, with no black t-shirt on, no moochers or hangers-on, with his headphones in his fucking hand, and he turns to me and says ‘hello, nice to meet you.’”

“No drama, no having to go buy bags of coke to sober him up, no dealing with shite off his stuck-up mates.”

“I mean, what kind of fucking DJ do you call that?’

DJ Snapchat was jailed for 18 months without the possibility of turntables.

Jolene McCray, speaking on behalf of those affected by Snapchat’s set at The Lava Lounge, told Wunderground: “We are all praying at night. Praying for tinnitus, or better still, praying for some sort of extreme head trauma that wipes every last memory from our heads and allows us to sit there silently, an empty shell of a human with no recollection of what took place last Saturday night.”

“Then we will find peace.”

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DJ Jailed For 18 Months For Being Shite

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