Police searching for the cause of the widespread dickhead outbreak in Ibiza have uncovered a massive illegal dickhead farm aboard a fishing trawler off the coast of Ibiza.
The two-day operation ended with the extermination of over 3,300 mangled brits and the seizure of over 4 tonnes of imported Primark goods with an estimated street of over 130 euros.
Unnamed sources have described the conditions aboard the boat as “complete and utter hell” and “maybe even worse than Newcastle”.
Several members of a Nigerian drug gang were arrested on scene, it is believed they were growing the dickheads under intense UV light aboard the vessel, similar to that of a sunbed, while feeding the growing embryos a mixture of nutrient rich protein shakes and burger king, fed through an MDMA drip.
The fully grown dickheads were then shipped on rafts to Bora Bora beach under the cover of darkness, before being sold to unsuspecting street PRs in exchange for vast sums of free peach schnapps and vodka shooters, which were then resold on the black market.
“Never before in my life have I seen so many dickheads in one place.” said one undercover police officer.
“But then again, I don’t go to any of the clubs on the island!”