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August 23, 2018
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DJ Secretly Wants To Play Requests

A DJ who constantly posts on social media about “clueless muppets” asking him to play requests while he is gigging has revealed that he secretly longs to “throw away the shackles of conventional DJing” and play requests.

Steve Payne, aka No Payne No Gain, claims he has “lost the love for DJing” because most of the newly released tracks he hears are “total shite”.

“Sometimes, when I’m behind the decks, my head’s just not in the game at all,” Payne told Wunderground earlier. “I mean I’m up there, playing tunes, but I’m literally just going through the motions. I may as well be a Spotify playlist. Half of the time I’m thinking about other things, like recounting the entire script of Die Hard in my head or imaging what Philip Schofield would look like in one of Holly Willoughby’s dresses.”

“I’ve totally lost the passion for what I’m doing because everything I do totally bores the shit out of me and if it’s boring me, it’s boring everyone else in the room too,” continued the disillusioned DJ. “It’s no wonder I’ve got people coming up to me and asking me to play requests, I’d probably be doing the same thing if I was on the other side of the decks.”

“It breaks my heart not being able to look after people’s requests,” he admitted. “I’ve been strictly told by management not to play any but I’d really love to. It would give me so much pleasure to be able to stop playing tech house and bang out a bit of Despacito or Kendrick Lamar. And who doesn’t want to hear Little Mix or Ed Sheeran on a night out? The whole clubbing industry is a fucking shambles. Whatever happened to giving the people what they want?”

“Honestly, I only put up posts saying I hate when people ask for requests because that’s what all the other DJs do, if it was up to me I’d play every single one of them.”

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