More DJs Than People Expected At ADE This Year

For the first time ever, the number of DJs attending this year’s Amsterdam Dance Event has surpassed the number of actual people attending.

ADE, originally started up as Aberdeen Drinking Event, was repurposed as a clubbing Mecca in the late nineties after being acquired by the Dutch conglomerate Amster-Damn. Each year, DJs from all over the globe flock to the city of canals.

The annual event has become a must-go for all DJs who want to take the leap from “up-and-coming” to “up-and-coming with business cards”. 2018 is set to be a record year, with the event expected to attract some 450,000 visitors – of which 500,000 are DJs.

Clubs owners are suffering losses and confusion, with the majority of clientele demanding half price drinks and free entry. Club-owner Dan von Dee Jay explained his struggles, “Normally we have one DJ per seven guests. This year, we have 7 DJs per paying guest. So, on the nights with one DJ playing an all-night set, we’ve got minus 7 guests – each drinking negative 2 beers. We lose 14 beers each night”.

“It’s a mathematical nightmare”, he sighed.

Similar to sharks swarming around an unsuspecting surfer in the ocean, large groups of DJs have been observed circling club mixers, hoping to get a turn. Although slightly less toothy than their marine counterparts, the DJs have intimidated club staff across Amsterdam.

Local anthropologist Suus Hendriks can give some reassuring advice: “As long as people exercise common sense and don’t harass the DJ, the DJ will most likely just ignore you completely until he needs a drink. People have little to fear from these seasonal visitors,” Suus continued. “The DJ is more scared of you than you are of it.”

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The incursion of DJs is expected to result in record levels of networking across the city. Bandwidth suppliers are expecting all the networking to cause most Wifi routers to become very congested, eliminating any opportunity for DJs to illegally download new tracks to play in their sets.

In an attempt to adapt to the growing DJ-to-clubber ratio, many venues all over the city are increasing the size of their DJ booths. Some have gone so far as to scrapping the dance floor altogether.

Since there are now more people behind the stage than in front of it, many clubs have now installed rear-view mirrors in the booths for the DJs. This way, they can see the crowd when they are playing.