A newly published report has found that “whatever happens in Amsterdam no longer stays in Amsterdam”, thanks to the emergence of Facebook Live and other live streaming option on various social media platforms.
The report’s findings claim that places like Amsterdam, Las Vegas, Ibiza and Skegness have seen a drastic reduction in tourist numbers now that discretion and privacy are no longer guaranteed.
“It’s a sad day for people who want to go away and do whatever they want knowing that the people back home will never find out,” explained one unhappy tourist. “I’ve been coming to Amsterdam for years and, it’s safe to say, that while it’s all good clean fun, if people back home knew what I was up to over here I’d probably have lost my family or been declared clinically insane years ago.”
“My wife and kids think I’m really into art and culture and that’s just the way like it,” continued the tourist, who was wearing a disguise of large novelty glasses and an oversized nose. “But, now, when I’m over here, everywhere I turn there’s someone with a phone in my face. For all I know, I’m all over the Instachat, Snapface or even Bebo.”
“Unless I can be guaranteed that what I do here stays here in the future, I’m going to have to start thinking about finding somewhere else to go on my holidays.”
According to reports, ADE organisers are working with local authorities to ensure that what happens in Amsterdam, during ADE week, actually stay in Amsterdam.
“We get a lot of very high profile people from the music industry in Amsterdam during ADE,” explained Sander Jansen, an ADE spokesperson. “Many of them are representing multinational corporations and brokering million dollar deals. So, we need to ensure a certain level of discrepancy with some of the ‘extracurricular activities’ that go on during the conference to ensure these people continue to feel comfortable here and come back every year.”
Reports suggests that ADE will be opening designated “do whatever the fuck you like” areas around the city, where mobile phones, cameras and social media will be completely banned.
“The introduction of safe zones will mean that people have somewhere to go, away from the prying eye of social media, to relax and enjoy themselves, with our personal guarantee that whatever happens in the do whatever the fuck you like area, stays in the do whatever the fuck you like area.”