A Dutchman who prides himself on his perfect English has been left feeling dismayed after failing to understand a single word a girl from Northern England said to him.
Pip Ffeerink, who claims to speak English with a slight Oxford language, was shocked to discover the girl, a twenty-three-year-old from Newcastle, was English after almost ten minutes of futile conversation.
“I still don’t believe that that girl was actually English,” Ffeerink insisted during a chat with Wunderground. “There’s no way, my English is immaculate, it’s my thing, if she was speaking English then I’m Tiësto, although I am a middle-aged Dutchman with questionable taste in music so there’s probably a much better chance of me being Tiësto than her speaking English.”
“She may as well have been speaking Chinese, but I am fairly competent at conversational Mandarin so I would have understood her if she was,” continued Ffeernick. “She spoke at me for at least ten minutes and I honestly didn’t understand a single word she said, I think she was asking for directions so I just pointed her towards the nearest coffee shop. I feel really sorry for whoever she tries to communicate with after she has a smoke.”
According to onlookers, the exchange between Ffeernick and the young English woman was “hilarious” and like something from an “episode of Monty Python”.
“I’ve been in Amsterdam for three days now and I’ve witnessed some funny shit, mostly to do with drunk English people, but that really took the biscuit,” claimed one Irishman. “She understood exactly what he was saying but he didn’t have a clue what she was saying, causing her to get frustrated, more high pitched and louder.”
“By the end of the conversation, she was screaming at him. Then, she stormed off into the Bulldog. It was proper comical, but you probably had to be there, and be stoned.”
Wunderground contacted the English girl for comment but, honestly, we didn’t have a fucking clue what she said.