Dance music has been thrown in front of the court of public opinion again today after it emerged that another young person has lost their life to the genre after electing to become a DJ instead of pursuing his studies.
21-year-old mathematics student, Alex Nolan, from the University of Warwick reportedly had his life snatched away from him when he dropped out of college to pursue a career as a DJ.
“It’s just so sad when you see lives wasted in this way, he could have been anything,” claimed one classmate, “specifically, a Maths teacher or accountant where he’d have had a comfortably middle class life of drudgery, buying sheds in B&Q and holidaying in the south of France.”
“But that all got snatched away from him when he started attending raves and becoming interested in a creative life in which he’d be worse off financially but probably happier with more interesting experiences and fuller relationships.”
Alex’s parents are said to be inconsolable following news of his life being claimed by dance music when he told them he was dropping out of college.
“One minute he’s there and the next he’s gone,” wept Angela Nolan, “I know they say you shouldn’t blame yourself but I can’t help but feel that if I had never bought him that set of Technic’s 1210s for Christmas last year then Alex would still be here with us, studying Maths and being in bed by 11.”
“Instead, that son is gone, replaced by a night owl who sits in front of a computer all night playing on a tractor or going out to nightclubs,” she added. “My son’s life has been taken by that evil scourge, he’ll be signing on for years now.”
Government officials have suggested that a crackdown on the sale of DJing software is needed to prevent the epidemic of young people throwing away promising lives in pursuit of a DJ/producer pipe dream.
“Nearly 100% of those young people who elect to become DJs instead of getting real jobs wind up dead at 70 having tried to become a DJ for a few years then either succeeding or failing and getting a proper job,” he explained. “So many lives are being wasted hunched over DJ controllers when they could be hunched over desks or assembly lines.”
