The popular practice of Facebook creeping, where people prowl for potential sex partners from among their friend list, dipped to an all time low this last week as millions of women took selfies of themselves without makeup to raise awareness for cancer research.
Preliminary statistics released by Google indicate that the number of time people spent trawling through other people’s Facebook pages and photos dramatically dropped with most people only spending “0.5 of a second on a page before moving off”, which Tinder experts suggest is the amount of time it takes one person to decide if another is “fuckable” or not.
The same report indicated that there was an upsurge in the number of page views for women who did not take part in the MakeUpLess selfie initiative, further reinforcing the suggestion that wearing no make up in a selfie reduces the number of Facebook creeps on your page.
Thousands of men reportedly had “their wanks ruined” according to the report with some even offering to give money to cancer research out of their own pocket “if the girls would put the make up back on and let [them] wank again”.
“Usually the girls I have in my friend list all look stunning being well lit from a flattering angle or out on a night out in short skirts,” said one unnamed Facebook creep, “but yesterday that all changed.
“There were girls in Dora the Explorer pajamas without makeup, looking all blotchy,” he continued. “That’s not how real women look. Real women are pouting in bathrooms with their arses out, not standing in their kitchen looking all austere and grey.”
“Fucking cancer….it ruins everything,” he added. “Cancer I could live with, but not this.”
“Thankfully though it was only one day,” he concluded. “Some weirdos think that women look more natural and sexy without make up, but not me. Women just don’t do it for me sexually unless they fit a very specific set of criteria that satisfy my unrealistic pornographic fantasies.”
