Fedde Le Grand’s Hands Break Land Speed Record

According to sources within the Guinness Book of World Records, during his recent DJ Mag set, Fedde Le Grand’s hands broke the land speed record.

In fact, one Guinness representative claimed that Le Grand’s hands “smashed the pants off” the current record which was set in the Nevada Desert by Andy Green in October 1997.

“Up until now, the land speed record has always been set by someone driving some sort of car like contraption,” claimed Guinness spokesperson Arthur Black. “We never thought a human would be capable of moving as fast as Fedde Le Grand moves his hands in that DJ Mag video so it’s a really pleasant surprise to see the record so comprehensively beaten.”

“You may have seen the video of Fedde and thought ‘wow his hands are moving fast’ but what you see is actually only the tip of the iceberg,” Black continued. “We had to slow the video down to one frame per second to see how fast he was really moving, most of his movements are completely invisible to the naked eye.”

“I’ve been aware of Fedde Le Grand for years and I used to think that he was a complete waste of space,” our source offered. “But now it appears that he actually does have some real talent, he’s just been misusing it up until now.”

Wunderground also managed to speak to Mr Le Grand about his new world record, “Yes I move very fast, very fast. Always moving, moving fast, moving very fast,” he told us at an extremely high tempo. “They should have called me Fedde Le Fast, Faste Le Grand. I’m fast. So fast, so so fast.”

At this point, Wunderground decided to cut our interview with Le Grand short and chose to smoke rollies and watch a dog scratching its arse on the street for a half an hour instead.

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Fedde Le Grand’s Hands Break Land Speed Record

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