A recent survey conducted by the Fake Word Federation (FWF) has revealed a huge shift in the UK public’s lingo due to the impact of coronavirus on the job market.
Having spent an unrivalled five years at the top of the charts, “woke” has finally lost its place to “furlough”, leading to social media outbursts of “cultural misappropriation” and slander of “shit-cunt made up tory word”.
“I’m not at all surprised it’s top of the league” one social distancer told us. “It’s all over the news and seems like a cool thing to say. I’ve been furloughed, have you been furloughed? Let’s all get fuckin’ furloughed. We’ve havin’ a furlough party, bring your vodka and your charlie”.
A second social distancer commented: “I’m gonna shove a load of furlough up my nose”.
A third social distancer and local stud said: “When this is all over, I’m going to furlough loads of birds”.
Wunderground managed to speak to the CEO of the We Obv Know Everything (WOKE) group, 17 year old Kimberly Jackson. “When I first said “woke” on Pinterest five years ago, I had no idea it would become a movement. Yes it was a typo, but look at what it represents – a huge 0.0001% of the population who are more influential than every single politician put together. I doubt BoJo ever got 50,000 retweets.”
“Do people not realise how ridiculous they sound when they say the word ‘furlough’? I need time to plan my next Twitter outburst but right now I am far too furloughed to continue this conversation.”
Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.