Two young physicists from the Max Planck Institute, Hans Güber and Wilhelm Schiffenbrau, have stunned the scientific community today by splitting the microdot. The two men have been attempting to do so since 2012, where the idea came to them at a house party they were attending in Heidelberg.
“We were sitting around about 6 in the morning,” said Hans. “It was just the two of us, everyone else had gone to bed in an orderly fashion, which is the style in Germany. We had one microdot left between the two of us, and the idea was borne.”
The theory behind the process is simple, and works by a process of “enforced division” which is simply an overly complex way of saying “you cut the thing in half with a really small knife.”
Many other physicists had claimed the feat to be impossible, saying that the microdot was the smallest known individual particle of recreational drugs, however, those physicists are now eating their words as they have just ingested half a microdot and can now “see and taste sound”.
“So far today I’ve had to swallow my pride and eat my words, I’m well full,” said the main opponent to the theory, Dr. Sven Gorgon, rubbing his belly in a satisfied manner.
The breakthrough has caused some worry amongst the scientific community, who fear that the discovery may lead to the substance being weaponised, which many refer to as the “new A-Bomb”, the A standing for acid. Others have referred to it as the new “C-Bomb” as it helps you see things you did not see before. And of course, the scientists from the US just refer to it as “Da-Bomb”.
However the two scientists responsible for it claim it has a wide range of uses, from creating fabrics for clothes, which they will call Microdot-cotton, to Microdotsoft, a new computer processor with the power to process up to three things at once in an extremely confused manner, however has amazing graphical capabilities, showing colours that the user never even knew existed. All of these will be sold on their website, Micro.Com
However, concerns are growing for the two physicists who may have come in contact with the substance during the experiments. According to reports coming from the Max Planck institute, the two men have set about utilising the new discovery to form a Psy-Trance act which many psychologists warned could be a side effect of utilising Microdots in this manner.