A girl who recently celebrated her twenty-seventh birthday was left in shock this morning after discovering that she now suffers from hangovers.
According to reports, Amanda Smith, a trainee dental nurse, claims that she “can’t even” and is worried that she “might die”.
“I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” Amanda explained from underneath her duvet. “I didn’t even have that much to drink, only about two and a half bottles of wine, and I’m absolutely hanging out of my fanny. If this is what getting old’s all about, it can get fucked. I wanna stay young forever.”
“I literally think there’s something genuinely wrong with me,” she continued with last night’s makeup still smeared across her face. “My head is totally banging, my mouth is dry as a nun’s fanny and my stomach feel like someone was tap dancing on my insides while I was sleeping, this can’t be just a hangover.”
“I honestly think that I might die, unless someone brings me a Big Mac meal, six chicken nuggets and a strawberry milkshake,” she claimed. “I’m supposed to be in work in an hour, there’s no way I can go in and look into people’s rotten mouths in this state, I’m going to have to ring in sick.”
“I’ll be honest with you, if this is what a hangover feels like, I’m genuinely never drinking again. Well, actually I’ll have to drink next weekend because I’m going to a wedding and the following weekend it’s my best mate’s baby’s christening so I’ll have to have one or two for that, the week after that I’m going Maga for two weeks so that’ll be mental, then X Factor will be starting so I’ll obvs be having drinks every Saturday for that and then it’s Christmas but I’m definitely going to stop drinking in the new year.”
Reports suggest that after calling into work sick and finally convincing someone to bring her McDonalds, Ms Smith made a full recovery and is now considering continuing her birthday celebrations with another drink.