A girl who sniffed a quarter of coke while “spring cleaning” her house last Saturday, apparently refused to eat McDonald’s the next day, claiming it was far too unhealthy.
Imogen Reilly, a twenty-nine-year-old accountant from London, claims that her “body is a temple” and there’s no way she’d put that “rotten shit” inside her.
“McDonald’s? Are you having a laugh? There’s no way I’d ever eat that shit,” she scoffed when we spoke to her earlier. “I find it offensive that people would actually think I’d even consider eating that stuff, it’s absolutely horrible. It’s all shit mate and if you start eating it, you’re going to turn into shit too.”
“Honestly, do I look like the kind of person who’s going to be eating that unhealthy garbage,” she asked while lighting a fag. “Obviously not, I’m a well-educated lady who knows how to take care of herself. You know all of that processed shite gives you cancer, right? I’m telling you, watch any video on the internet and you’ll see.”
“My stomach was already dodgy enough from sniffing coke and drinking for eighteen hours on Saturday,” confirmed Imogen. “So even the thought of eating that rubbish was almost enough to make me sick. There’s no way I’d even step foot inside one of those kips, we just ended up ringing a Dominos in the end. It was delicious.”
Ann Claridge, who suggested the trip to McDonald’s, claims that Imogen is “full of shit” and a complete fucking hypocrite.
“Who does she think she is on her fucking high horse about a couple of fucking burgers?” she said dismissively. “She goes to the gym about once a month and she thinks she’s some sort of health and fitness guru. She’s only a skinny bitch because she’s on the coke every fucking weekend.”
“Maybe she should pull the fucking broom handle out of her arse and have a fucking Maccy D’s every once in a while, she could use a bit of meat on her bones.”
According to experts, eating McDonald’s, taking cocaine and drinking excessively can all be part of a healthy lifestyle when done in moderation, as long as you don’t actually intend on living beyond your fiftieth birthday.