A girl has officially “cancelled” her birthday and brandished her friends as a “fucking disgrace”, after they failed to post a photo montage on social media.
Twenty three year old admin assistant Leyla Hewitt is said to have felt “utterly humiliated” in front of boyfriend James, having woken up on her birthday and logged onto Facebook and Instagram, only to realise there was no montage, collage or tribute in sight.
“This is the worst birthday ever,” cried Leyla. “Every day I see girls posting montages of other girls, wishing them a happy birthday. It’s what makes birthdays special in 2016; knowing your friend is going to upload a bunch of attention seeking photos rather than sending a text. Fuck presents, fuck cards, fuck phone calls, I want montages.”
According to James, an obviously distressed Leyla is said to have spent the next five hours on Google, trying to find a way to officially cancel her birthday, claiming there’s “nothing to celebrate” so it “may as well not happen”.
“I bought her an iPhone seven and Mulberry bag, but apparently my gifts mean shit,” moaned James. “She tried explaining that birthday enjoyment is measured in popularity and that twenty years ago it was based on how many cards you got. Ten years ago it was how many people came to your party. Five years ago it was all about how many people wished you happy birthday on your Facebook wall, whereas today it is based on how many photo montages are posted online. I wish I knew these rules before spending two grand. I give up.”
“All I wanted was a bit of love,” continued Leyla. “At the very least, one of my friends should have done a four piece photo collage consisting of one of us looking respectable, one of us drunk, one of us at a rave and one of us hugging, just to show the world how great we are, but no, not a fucking thing. I’m staying twenty three for a whole extra year.”
