A local gym-rat has been left in tears after realising the three-month course of steroids he injected throughout February, March and April will now “count for nothing” this summer.
24-year-old Danny Smith is believed to be “too distraught to leave his bedroom” after realising social distancing could last until November, meaning there’ll be no attending We Are Fstvl or prancing around the streets of Ibiza, topless, trying to get “birds” to notice him.
According to his mum, Carol (54), her “little prince” has definitely hit rock bottom. “He won’t even look at a chicken breast that’s how upset he is”, she explained. “His entire Christmas list consisted of items he could wear this summer. Now, who’s going to see him in his neat Balenciaga trainers or super skin-tight, muscle fit Father Sons t-shirt?”
Wunderground managed to catch up with Danny, to see if we could offer any support during this difficult time. “2 fuckin’ enormous injections in my arse, 8 tablets, 4 chicken breasts, 2 steaks, 4 scoops of creatine, a shit load of amino acids, no carbs and no sugar every single fuckin’ day for three months; and all to sit in my bedroom on my own at the end of it” he moaned.
“It’s been well hot out recently, it’s such a waste. Maybe I’m being a bit selfish though, as it’s a lot worse for the girls who don’t get to see my body – I feel more sorry for them than me.”
Having finally accepted all that money spent on dodgy substances, protein, shit clobber and gym membership has been a monumental waste for his mum who funded it all, jobless Danny did take some positivity from the fact there are virtual raves happening every weekend – “I’ve got 150 unused balloons and a bit of ket under my bed – if I can get away with doing them without my mum catching me, I’ll be well happy.”
Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.