‘That’s What You Get For Moving To Mac’ Says Bill Gates

‘I warned you” was the statement from Bill Gates HQ earlier this morning. “I said a global pandemic was coming. I told you for years you weren’t prepared. I spent billions on researching the topic and trying to convince governments around the globe to speed up the research around vaccines and stock up on PPE. Meanwhile, all I heard back was ‘sorry Bill, we don’t think a modern pandemic is all that likely’, or ‘sorry Bill, Vista was an absolute turd’ or ‘sorry Bill, you’re in the Illuminati.”

“Yes, a pandemic was very likely, and yes vista was shit and yes, I am in the Illuminati. They’re actually a great bunch of guys and it gives me a sense of community I don’t get elsewhere.”

“But don’t come crying to me just because you stuck your nan in a care home and now she’s dead.”

“I warned you all this would happen. Now the Tinfoil hat brigade is blaming me? It’s my virus all of a sudden?”

“Listen, folks, if this was a Windows virus you would just download Norton or McAfee and it would all go away. This is nothing to do with me. You’ve brought this all on yourselves.”

“Serves you right for moving to Mac anyway you little geek.”