Chuffed Dealer Coining It Since ‘Stay Alert’ Advice

Following several quiet weeks stuck indoors with no pubs, clubs or afterparties to supply, UK dealers have been feeling the pinch but are delighted to assist in any way they can during the ‘stay alert’ phase.

“It’s been a tight couple of weeks” bemoaned one London-based dealer. “Things have got so tight I’ve actually started selling the creatine that I use to mix my product down… as actual creatine! The local gym rats can’t get their hands on it and I’ve got a garage full of the stuff. Well, I did. I’m pretty much sold out now. I had even started mixing the creatine down with some coke to make it last longer!”

“But everybody has to stay alert now. Apparently, if you just stay alert you can’t breathe the virus in and die anymore, which is handy. And if you stay alert, you can’t breathe it out either and kill your granny or your cousin who has cancer. You know, the one everybody loves that would almost certainly croak within days if she got it? Well if she is alert enough she’ll be grand I’m told!”

“And If she wants any decent sniff dropped around, give her my number yeah?”