Las Vegas’s premier douche bag hot spot, Hakkasan Nightclub, has announced they are set to open a “vegan-friendly breast milk cocktail bar”.
In an attempt to keep everyone happy, the nonalcoholic cocktails will be served in reclaimed jam jars and made using organic breast milk harvested from the breasts of a large group of mixed race, gender fluid “milk volunteers”.
Vocal vegan, and preachy butt munch, Moby unsurprisingly had his say on Hakkasan’s announcement, “This is the best thing since unbuttered whole wheat bread,” he claimed. “It took me a little while to get used to the fact the cocktails are going to be made using breast milk, as a man without any children I’m not really sure how I feel about breastfeeding and my natural feeling is to overreact and object to it but after some consideration I think it’s a great idea.”
Ray Spencer, a spokesperson for Hakkasan, claims that the latest move brings the venue one step closer to being the “most inclusive nightclub in America”.
“We want people to know that they can come to Hakkasan and drink a breast milk cocktail without being judged,” Spencer told us. “Whether you’re vegan, vegetarian or normal, we’ve got the nonalcoholic breastmilk cocktail to suit you and, if you’re that way inclined, you want to get drunk, we’ll even give you a free shot of vodka in your cocktail at our regular bar.”
“This is the future of clubbing ladies and gentlemen,” continued Spencer. “A future where stereotypes and judgments are left at the front door and as long as you can afford a cover charge of $350 and the low, low price of $59.99 per cocktail, you’re more than welcome to come and join us. If you can’t, there’s always a couple of shitholes away from the strip that’ll serve pretty much anyone.”