Harry Redknapp Reveals Techno As Cause Of Melted Face
Birmingham City manager Harry Redknapp has revealed that listening to “extremely banging techno” in the early nineties caused his face to melt.
According to Redknapp, producers these days lack the quality needed to melt faces with their productions resulting in bland and boring formulaic techno.
“I used to love listening to a bit of banging techno back in my days as West Ham manager,” Redknapp told us earlier today. “That was the culture in the club at that time. We’d train hard, play a match on a Saturday and then head to a massive illegal rave somewhere of the M25 on Saturday night.”
“You just don’t get that type of thing in football these days,” continued Redknapp. “It’s not just football either, the music’s also gone to pot. Back then, the techno was proper techno, this time at one of the raves I got a little too close to the speakers and my face was partially melted. I’ve been left looking like this ever since, I don’t care, I wear my melted face like a badge of honour and if I got the chance I’d do it all over again.”
“Nowadays, there’s nothing but this Drumcode or Music On garf doing the rounds on the techno scene,” scoffed Redknapp. “It’s pure boring. That’s the kind of crap Jamie would listen to and, as you can tell by his face, it has no melting properties at all. I honestly don’t get today’s techno. Not even Peter Crouch can dance to that stuff and he’s the greatest dancer I ever coached.”
In related news, an American man has been hospitalised with severe head injuries after having his mind blown by the new Gorillaz album.