Hipster Has Frostbitten Leg Amputated After Showing Off Calf Tattoo In Winter
A Toronto based media designer, vlogger and bowtie mannequin who apparently identifies as a ‘tattoo guru’ has reportedly lost his lower leg to frostbite after consistently refusing to wear trousers so that he could show off a new tattoo in the middle of winter.
Ultan “Painted Man” Prince, who has 24 tattoos, wears snapback caps and uses the expression ‘mega lulz’ despite being 34 years old, reportedly was so excited with his full calf tattoo that he ignored repeated warnings from friends that it was “too cold to go pantless” and that he “looked like a vain, self regarding cretin who deserved a swift kick to the shin by a child in steel toed boots”.
Reportedly only wearing a variety of cargo pants, shorts and speedos so that people could “be awed by the full effect of [his] ink” Ultan, who took up cycling purely to have an excuse to roll his trousers up, was admitted to hospital with “severe frostbite stretching from his knee to his ankle” after spending 12 hours casually leaning against a graffiti laden city centre wall displaying his leg to uninterested passersby.”
“Unfortunately by the time Ultan sought medical attention it was too late to save the leg,” explained attending doctor, Dr. Prasheed Mann, “had he of come to hospital sooner instead of becoming interested in how the advancing frostbite was making his tattoo stand out and look all cool and blistered in the light and documenting it on a minute by minute basis via Instagram, then we could have saved it.”
“But as it stands he was more interested in showing off than suffering discomfort or even pain,” he added. “Strangely, this is the fourth amputation I’ve had to do this winter – I also took the wrist off a feminist who had a tattoo of her own bushy vagina on her wrist, she’s been rubbing it on her actual vagina and then forcing it into people’s faces before it became frostbitten and gangrenous from both the bitter cold and thrush.”
Ultan elected not to speak to us about losing the leg but his friend Baz has said that Ultan plans to forgo what he calls “the traditional and conformist” leg shaped prosthetic in favour of “an old BMX wheel in the spokes of which are Kellogg’s reflectors from the 80s, which are cool. Cause they’re from the 80s”.
“It’s going to be sick,” he added.
“He still has the dead leg, he now does the sensible thing and wears it around his neck, it’s quite the conversation starter,” continued Baz. “He might say something like ‘oh, that’s a nice chain you have. Do you notice mine?? It’s the petrified husk of my lower calf covered in unironic tattoo art depicting obscure late 90s video game characters’, cool isn’t it?”