A World Wildlife Federation, WWF, spokesperson has today confirmed that hipsters have now moved onto the endangered species list.
According to our source, Hipster numbers have plummeted from somewhere in the region of 500 million to just over 200 thousand worldwide in the last two or three years.
“Hipster numbers have been falling at an alarming rate,” explained WWF spokesperson Peter Skunk. “I say alarming but it’s actually a bit of blessing, they were awful annoying and, personally, I’ll be glad to see the back of them.”
“It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is that has led to the hipsters’ demise,” continued Skunk. “Some experts are saying that it is most likely down to a number of complicated biodiversity issues, most likely caused by sociological and geological changes but, honestly, I reckon most of them just grew up a little bit and realized how fucking stupid they looked.”
Former hipster Miles Rambler spoke to Wunderground, “Yeah I used to be a hipster but I don’t really like to talk about that anymore,” he told us. “All of my friends were doing it so it felt like a really natural thing for me to do. It’s only now when I look back, with the power of hindsight, I realize how fucking stupid I was. Thank god it was just a phase.”
If hipster numbers continue to reduce at their current rate, experts are predicting that there will be no hipsters left by the year 2020. However, they also predict that something far worse, “a new breed of cunt”, will emerge from the post-millennial generation.
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