An independent group of Islamic extremists have reportedly claimed responsibility for the latest Chainsmokers track.
The album, titled Memories… Do Not Open, was released on 7 April this year and has been described as “the worst assault on Western Culture to date”.
“It really is one of the true atrocities of our time,” claimed forty eight year old Rita Smith who lost two children to the album. “I just can’t understand how there are people in the world who want to put this kind of suffering on people. Don’t they realise that their actions ruin lives and tear families apart? This time last month I had two happy children, then this album came along and completely ruined that for me.”
“Now I look at my kids, hear what they’re listening to and think ‘dickheads’,” explained Ms Smith. “I really don’t think there’s any worse feeling in the world that that of a parent who has just realised that their children, their own flesh and blood, are total dickheads. I’m only speaking out now because I wouldn’t want anyone else out there to have to go through this suffering.”
The extremist group, known only as Isit?, released a statement which claimed full responsibility of the album earlier this week, Wunderground managed to speak to their leader Fuzzy Ali, “Here at Isit? our modus operandi is to watch the world burn through the medium of brain meltingly shit EDM music.”
“Albums like Memories… Do Not Open are the perfect ammunition for us and we will keep releasing them until we have polluted the minds of every man, woman and child in the western world.”
The Chainsmokers have yet to comment on the matter, although that is hardly surprising seen as they normally only communicate by pointing and grunting.
