Every child’s favourite chocolate manufacturer, Kinder, has announced that it is set to launch a brand new dating app aimed exclusively at children.
Kinder CEO William Wonka-Smith claims the new dating app, to be simply titled Kinder, will bring children from all over the world together and help spread multiculturalism through a shared love of chocolate.
“Children these days are extremely tech-savvy, most of them know how to work the basics of a touchscreen phone before they can even walk,” explained Wonka-Smith earlier today. “Here at Kinder, we’re embracing technology and using it to bring children all over the world together.”
“A lot like the adult dating app Tinder, Kinder will feature a swipe feature that will allow children from anywhere in the world match with each other,” continued Wonka-Smith. “But, unlike Tinder a swipe in any direction will match boys and girls alike with everyone they meet, removing race, sexuality or religion from the aspect, we just want everyone to love everyone.”
“It’s really more of a friendship app than a dating app,” admitted the Kinder CEO. “But, since we rolled out the Beta version for testing, we’ve already had hundreds of hands held, twelve first kisses and four fake weddings so it’s clear that there is a romantic element involved.”
Kinder’s app announcement has not gone down well with parents, many of whom are concerned their kids may be vulnerable online.
“I’ve already got my hands full with my kids online,” claimed one concerned mother who repeatedly posts pictures of her children all over the internet. “As if their Minecraft, Fortnite, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat accounts aren’t already enough for me to be dealing with, Kinder go and launch an app too, they’ll defo want on it as well, they love that chocolate.”
“I probably shouldn’t let them have a phone with access to the internet and any form of content imaginable,” continued the worried mother. “But, it’s the only way I get a little bit of peace and quiet, I’d never get to watch Love Island if it wasn’t for the internet looking minding my kids.”