Real Life

Lad Excited About Getting “Real Job” Following Season In Ibiza Secretly “Shitting It”

A lad claiming to be “excited” about getting a “real job”, having worked the season in Ibiza, is said to be secretly “shitting his pants” at the thought and considering running away from his problems.

According to friends, twenty two year old Ryan Smalling, from Berkshire, England, is believed to be “on the verge of a breakdown”, having returned to England with the ambition of settling back into “normality”, by getting a steady nine to five job.

“He promised his bird he’d come home and they’d start a future,” claimed best mate, Jimmy Smith. “She wants to settle down and have kids and he said he was up for it; but by looking at him, he really isn’t. He’s spent all summer in the sunshine, boozing, taking drugs, going to parties, having fun and basically living the dream. Now he’s waiting to get an interview in an accountant’s office. What a fucking comedown that’ll be. He won’t last two minutes in that lifestyle.”

Wunderground caught up with Ryan with regards to his future, “Can’t I just fuck off to Thailand for the winter?” he asked us desperately. “I love my bird but she’s a pain in the arse and I’m still young, I don’t want to settle down yet. I’m not ready to be that miserable. I ain’t got the heart to tell her I’m going to back to Ibiza next year. Hopefully she’ll dump me before I go, that way I won’t need to mention it at all.”

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