Local lad James Wilson planned to spend yesterday relaxing at home, however, reports suggest that he spent the entire night miserable, worrying about what he was missing.
“I’ve spent every Friday for months out with the boys so I figured I’d take tonight off and have some me time,” said the twenty-one-year-old student, who experienced difficulty unwinding almost immediately. “I texted our group chat saying I wasn’t coming out, which was a big mistake since they all started calling me a twat.”
Despite almost immediately caving under the peer pressure, Wilson, determined to “just chill”, ignored the insults. The group then continued to plan their night out, his phone’s continuous buzzing only compounding Wilson’s anxiety, “I had to turn my phone off so I could focus on cooking dinner. Do you know how hard it is to make spaghetti without looking up a recipe online?”
Unfortunately for Wilson, the most difficult part of the night was when the texts stopped coming altogether, “Once my phone went silent, I knew they’d started a new chat without me. That had to mean they were planning a massive night and didn’t want me to feel left out,” he told us, visibly shaken remembering how the silence made him feel completely left out.
“I figured they were going to one of those new clubs we’d been meaning to pop into. Just my luck, on the one night I take off. They probably all met girls who took them to some DJ’s fancy rooftop party and they all talked shit about me and how glad they were I wasn’t there.”
“The whole lot of them are gonna want nothing to do with me after this,” he continued while trying to calm his nerves by watching television, but had to change the channel everytime a group of friends was onscreen, as it was “too painful” a reminder of the pals he had recently lost.
In the end, he just lay on his couch silently regretting his foolish choice to stay home and relax, “I didn’t sleep at all last night,” he concluded through exhausted, bloodshot eyes.
When we checked in with Wilson’s friends, they said nothing of the sort had happened, “We just went to the pub for a couple of pints,” said one of Wilson’s mates. He then described the highlight of the night, in which a group of fit girls entered the pub, but none of the boys had the courage to approach them. “So, yeah, I guess it was a pretty fun night! James definitely missed out.”