A study carried out by the It’s Time To Go Home Federation has declared that licking the inside of an empty coke bag is the best way to judge when a party is over.
According to the study, when a party reaches a point when the only viable buzz left available is obtained by licking the inside of an empty baggie, it’s time to either “get more drugs or fuck off home”.
“In a perfect world we’d say that licking the inside of the empty bag is the best way to judge that you need more drugs,” explained It’s Time To Go Home Federation spokesperson Hugh Snorter. “But unfortunately we don’t live in a perfect world. There are many reasons why getting more drugs might not be a possibility, things like; there’s no more money, it’s too late and dealers think they deserve sleep or you’ve already bought them all.”
“In any of these scenarios licking the inside of an empty coke bag is the best way to judge when a party is over,” continued Mr. Snorter, a self proclaimed expert in telling people when to fuck off. “This also stretches beyond coke bags, we’d include ketamine, mandy, speed or anything else that comes in a baggie.”
“We’re not saying that once the empty bag has been licked clean you need to leave straight away,” added Mr. Snorter, who claims to have licked over ten thousand empty bags in his life. “It’s just that the party will inevitably go downhill from there, hard liquor will suffice for an hour or two but it’s time to face reality and realise that it’s nearly time to go.”
“You can either leave graciously and go home to your own bed, or somebody else’s if you’re lucky or you can run the risk of falling asleep in situ on the couch or armchair or wherever you’ve sat for the previous fifteen hours,” he continued, “but that comes with the risk of facial art, shaven eyebrows or worse and should be avoided at all costs.”
According to the study, other noticeable signs that a party is over include; policemen kicking the door in, dead people, pissed pants, fire engines and theft allegations.