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Listening To EDM Could Be The First Sign Your Child Is Mental

Listening To EDM Could Be The First Sign Your Child Is Mental

An American doctor has reportedly claimed that listening to EDM could be the first sign that your child is mental.

Simon Lewis, a.k.a. Doctor Si, claimed that most of the EDM fan children he has met over the years have turned out to be “total mentals”.

“I’m not an actual doctor, but I do hang out with quite a lot of kids in my line of work,”  claimed Lewis, a children’s entertainer. “I’m in a pretty good position to see what turns children mental and I can safely say that listening to EDM is a definite gateway to mentalness.”

“I’ve known kids who started listening to EDM music when they were just nine or ten years old and by the time they reached their late teens they were going out to these crazy dance parties, taking all kinds of weird chemical and sitting up for  two or three days at a time talking all sorts of incomprensible bullshit. Do those sound like the actions of a sane person? I don’t think so.”

“There was this one kid I knew, he used to listen to EDM but I thought he grew up alright, turns out he got a job in a bank and was doing quite well for himself,” continued Doctor Si. “Then, I guess he had some kind of breakdown and left his job to become a DJ, the last I heard he was a drifter, floating from town to playing shows and living in hotels.”

“I don’t know what it is with these kids but they are 100% certified mental and, as far as I’m concerned, listening to EDM was the first sign of how they were going to turn out,”

Barry Groves, an English EDM fan, agrees strongly with Doctor Si, we spoke with him earlier, “Oh yeah mate, I’m proper mental me. So are all of my friends, everyone around here knows it too, we’ve even got a nickname, my mate lives on Marley Lane and we always party in his house and some of the other groups around here call us the Marley Lane Mentalers. I’m actually quite proud of that.”

“I guess it was listening to EDM that brought us all together and moulded us all into the absolute lunatics we are so, yeah, I suppose listening to it was the first sign that we’d all turn out to be absolutely bonkers.”

Despite Doctor Si’s theory, actual doctors have claimed that there is no link between EDM and mental illness, however, they have confirmed that continued listening to it will likely cause children to become dweebs, nerds or even dorks.

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