A man who plans on driving a three-litre jeep to a festival this weekend is adamant that he will be taking his tent home with him at the end.
Peter Wade, whose hobbies include “driving and burning shit”, believes the amount of tents left at festivals is a disgrace and claims that anyone found to be abandoning tents should be banned from festivals for life.
“I fucking love going to festivals and I fucking love the environment too so there’s no bloody way I’ll be leaving my tent behind when I pack up on Monday morning,” Wade told Wunderground aggressively. “I used to think it was cool to just leave your tent behind but then someone told me that David Attenborough said it was bad, he’s a proper geezer, so I’m totally against it now.”
“That’s why I’m driving my jeep, The Guzzler, down this weekend,” he continued. “She’s a total beast, there’s loads of room to fit all of my gear in the back and I’ll get there in no time if I put the boot down, only problem is she absolutely drinks the fuel but fuck it, if it’s helping the environment I don’t mind spending more on petrol.”
“I’ve decided I’m going to go the whole ‘leave no trace’ route this year and leave absolutely no rubbish behind me at all,” Wade revealed. “I think the best way to go about it is to just burn all of my rubbish before I leave, I know there’ll be a burn mark on the grass so, technically, I’m leaving a bit of a trace but the grass will grow back and all of the rubbish will be gone so it’s a win-win for everyone.”
“Depending on how I’m feeling on Monday morning, I might even go around and bash a few people who look like they’re not planning on taking their tents with them, these hippies need a bit of a strongarm to make them see how damaging their actions are sometimes,” continued the concerned man. “Or, I might just bring some extra petrol and hang about for a bit and burn all of the tents that get left behind. It’s what Attenborough would want.”